bit nervous

As a father, I would like to set a positive example for my kid, at least until he is on his own and this thought just freaks me out. I know my weaknesses and I get freaking worried, what if I fail to be a good father for him?!

On the other side, I keep looking for ways to train him, how do I make him independent? what will teach him to be strong.. how do I teach ethical behaviors?? a million questions in my mind!  

The world is too wrong in my view to let him just go out and pick things up, but I think this is inevitable.

all that paranoia?

I think its reasonable for a new parent to get paranoid about the world we are going to bring our child in. I do hope eventually our minds make peace with reality and accept the fact that its ok to not have a perfect world.

but you know what, we will still try to make the best out of the situation, wont we?

a month old dad...

Its amazing how one could change so much over a few weeks, or may be I had all this hidden under my skin and its time for them to come out. I wonder if other dads too have this sort of connection between the baby and themselves,  for me it is absolutely mind blowing. It is so freaking natural.

my first thought was that 'I am not going to hurt my baby' and I had to get over this fear, cos that would stop me from doing a lot of things. So, I got over it pretty quickly and started to handle him with more confidence. He was in my arms as soon as he was born and it felt like he was happily resting there. I knew  exactly when he was feeling hungry and when he was going to do his nappies, I gave his first bath too..and you know what he dint cry one bit.. I think he liked it all through the time.. everything is perfect!

Pavy, my inlaws and parents, everyone is surprised by the way, we both are getting along. I definitely have to appreciate Pavy for having the trust in me, she believed that Neel will be safe in my hands and there he was, completely safe and sound, more importantly at peace.

worthy transformation of your life

The moment I heard we were going to have a baby, my sense of responsibility just spiked, coming back to normal after few months. I liked the enhanced sense of responsibility though.. I have never hesitated to face extra responsibility to be honest. I think I enjoy being responsible, lol.

It was like a decade ago, I had a random thought about grooming my own child.. what to and how to sort of just breezed through my mind.. (very early thoughts). Never knew it would take so long to experience them in real. Its good in a way, I am clearly able to distinguish the affection and care coming from a forced-to-be parent and the more natural ones, may be its not fair to compare one over the other, its certainly a unique bond in every family. but I have seen some parents who have an unexpected child and then keep moaning about it, rather not have a child over an accident! or the least dont make it obvious.

I believe the baby was the missing puzzle in our life, this has gotten us lot closer as husband and wife and made us more mature in our thought process. may be, we are gracefully stepping in to the next phase.

I like us being able to foresee and plan a lot of things for our child, truly one of a kind experience, specially when the the older generation doesnt bother you with their ways of doing stuff. I think this lets us make our decisions with a balanced and neutral mind.

Eventually, I think we pick a lot of extra senses in our day to day life, which otherwise we wouldnt have cared this much. simple things like hardness of the water, ambience noise level, air pollution, room temperature and not to forget mum's diet have gained a lot of importance in our daily discussions. its quite easy to slip into the old habits, though I am not sure for how long these extra senses will be kicking in, but as long as its there, it gives you a full satisfaction of being a better parent.